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  1. #1
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    I'd like some feedback on what gives people social anxiety, I'll list some examples and you can add more. for each one, please score from 1-10 where 0 is "I can't do it/haven't done it". and 10 is "I'm extremely comfortable - it comes to me naturally-no anxiety"



    there were a lot of threads about social anxiety lately, and I'd like to get hear what the members here are having trouble with before I offer advice



    if it fluctuates, score the lowest end



    also please try to score it without aids like alcohol or other anti anxiety stuff. and please be truthful.



    Just copy those examples to your post and rate them



    start

    Being in a crowd of strangers

    asking a stranger for direction

    being approached by a salesman, homeless etc

    butting in on a conversation with random strangers

    tell a deep secret about yourself to a stranger (something you are extremley ashamed of, and is also not funny in any way, let say kicking cats when you were young)

    singing in public or public speaking

    meeting your new GF/BF's family or friends

    telling your GF whom you love there is something that really bothers you about her, and if she would not change that, you'd have to seperate(knowing that she might say fine let's break up! sometime we make those threats knowing she won't leave. not this time)

    dancing with your friends

    dancing in public(in the street)

    making eye contact with strangers for as long as possible

    trying to do some crazy dance moves you have no idea how to like salsa or breakdance, or playing a sport you know you suck in front of strangers

    telling something embarrassing to strangers

    approaching a woman you really want to be with(a stranger) - this means coming to a (pretty)woman you never met before and know nothing about in a place like a bar or the street and starting conversation with her. this called warm approach.

    talking to a new doctor/shrink/caretaker/policeman

    talking to your boss about a raise

    taking to someone you manage about him being fired for not being good enough.

    approaching a woman you really want to be with(not a stranger, friend of friend) this means coming to a (pretty)woman you have met before or at a party in a friend's house and starting conversation with he. this called warm approach.

    kissing a girl for the first time without her specifically saying she wants to be kissed

    undressing in public

    walk across a crowded bus and loudly tell some girl she is stunning.

    finish





    here are mine



    Being in a crowd of strangers 8

    asking a stranger for direction 8

    being approached by a salesman, homeless etc 9

    butting in on a conversation with random strangers 8

    tell a deep secret about yourself to a stranger (something you are ashamed of, and is also not funny in any way) 2

    singing in public or public speaking 9

    meeting your new GF/BF's family or friends 7

    telling your GF whom you love there is something that really bothers you about her, and if she would not change that, you'd have to seperate(knowing that she might say fine let's break up! sometime we make those threats knowing she won't leave. not this time) 5

    dancing with your friends 10

    dancing in public(in the street) 9

    trying to do some crazy dance moves you have no idea how to like salsa or breakdance, or playing a sport you know you suck at in front of strangers 6

    making eye contact with strangers for as long as possible 8

    telling something embarrassing to strangers 6

    approaching a woman you really want to be with(a stranger) 6

    talking to a new doctor/shrink/caretaker/policeman 8

    talking to your boss about a raise 6

    taking to someone you manage about him being fired for not being good enough. 8

    approaching a woman you really want to be with(you know her, friend of friend) 6

    kissing a girl for the first time without her specifically saying she wants to be kissed 8

    undressing in public 8

    walk across a crowded bus and loudly tell some girl she is stunning and start conversation, and mean it. 0





    the difference between 8 to 10 is that I don't have any conscious inhibition but it still feels a little not right or I'm a little slow to do that.

    1 to 3 is extreme discomfort, where 1 is you were forced to do it

    0 is where you could not be forced to do it for any pain in the world

    PS as you can see its easier for me to dance or speak in public than to be in public. lol. its easier for me to kiss a woman than to talk to her.

    wierd



    what are your social anxiety sticking point?
    Man on a mission

  2. #2
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    mods, please move this to neuroscience
    Man on a mission

  3. #3
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    Shouldn't we have a rating for "no anxiety when doing this"?

  4. #4
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    yes, that's 10 (i.e complete comfort) edited original post to highlight that. thanks
    Man on a mission

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    Being in a crowd of strangers - 9

    asking a stranger for direction - 8

    being approached by a salesman, homeless etc - 9

    butting in on a conversation with random strangers - 8

    tell a deep secret about yourself to a stranger (something you are extremley ashamed of, and is also not funny in any way, let say kicking cats when you were young) - 5

    singing in public or public speaking - 6

    meeting your new GF/BF's family or friends - 8 family 6 friends

    telling your GF whom you love there is something that really bothers you about her, and if she would not change that, you'd have to seperate(knowing that she might say fine let's break up! sometime we make those threats knowing she won't leave. not this time) 5

    dancing with your friends 6

    dancing in public(in the street) 4

    making eye contact with strangers for as long as possible 5

    trying to do some crazy dance moves you have no idea how to like salsa or breakdance, or playing a sport you know you suck in front of strangers 4

    telling something embarrassing to strangers 5

    approaching a woman you really want to be with(a stranger) 3

    talking to a new doctor/shrink/caretaker/policeman 4

    talking to your boss about a raise 4

    taking to someone you manage about him being fired for not being good enough 3

    approaching a woman you really want to be with(not a stranger, friend of friend) 3

    kissing a girl for the first time without her specifically saying she wants to be kissed 5

    undressing in public 8

    walk across a crowded bus and loudly tell some girl she is stunning. 0 (never done it...want to try!)
    I don't wanna be an angel...I want to be God.

    <span style="color:#FF0000">"A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects." -Robert A. Heinlen</span>

  6. #6
    Senior Member Jakeshorts's Avatar
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    [quote name='liorrh' date='Aug 1 2008, 07:02 AM' post='496308']





    start

    Being in a crowd of strangers 10

    asking a stranger for direction 8

    being approached by a salesman, homeless etc 3

    butting in on a conversation with random strangers 5

    tell a deep secret about yourself to a stranger (something you are extremley ashamed of, and is also not funny in any way, let say kicking cats when you were young) 7

    singing in public or public speaking 5

    meeting your new GF/BF's family or friends 9

    telling your GF whom you love there is something that really bothers you about her, and if she would not change that, you'd have to seperate(knowing that she might say fine let's break up! sometime we make those threats knowing she won't leave. not this time) 8

    dancing with your friends 8

    dancing in public(in the street)

    making eye contact with strangers for as long as possible 5

    trying to do some crazy dance moves you have no idea how to like salsa or breakdance, or playing a sport you know you suck in front of strangers 3

    telling something embarrassing to strangers 8

    approaching a woman you really want to be with(a stranger) 0

    talking to a new doctor/shrink/caretaker/policeman 7

    talking to your boss about a raise 3

    taking to someone you manage about him being fired for not being good enough. 4

    approaching a woman you really want to be with(not a stranger, friend of friend) 5

    kissing a girl for the first time without her specifically saying she wants to be kissed 2 - physically shake

    undressing in public 10

    walk across a crowded bus and loudly tell some girl she is stunning. 4

    finish



    all of these seemed to be knocked down the number scale here by 2 when I'm in public with a woman I'm interested in. If I'm by myself, they jump up 3-4 numbers on the scale. Meaning that I believe my social anxiety to stem from being insecure in, around, or having the possibility of a relationship.
    Resident Badger
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    Metabolic Alchemy
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  7. #7
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    I'm shocked that you gave

    "tell a deep secret about yourself to a stranger (something you are extremely ashamed of, and is also not funny in any way, let say kicking cats when you were young) " 6 or 7

    imagine sitting next to someone in a flight and telling him you were sexually abused, or that you sat in jail for armed robbery, or that you we're pissing in your bed till age 12... that sort of stuff.

    don't imagine the comfort. if you've never done it, its zero. just checking

    but its interesting to see everybody having different sticking points.

    I wat to add lost of data and get by average a scale of each of the points.
    Man on a mission

  8. #8
    Senior Member Jakeshorts's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by liorrh' post='496367' date='Aug 1 2008, 12:34 PM
    I'm shocked that you gave

    "tell a deep secret about yourself to a stranger (something you are extremely ashamed of, and is also not funny in any way, let say kicking cats when you were young) " 6 or 7

    imagine sitting next to someone in a flight and telling him you were sexually abused, or that you sat in jail for armed robbery, or that you we're pissing in your bed till age 12... that sort of stuff.

    don't imagine the comfort. if you've never done it, its zero. just checking

    but its interesting to see everybody having different sticking points.

    I wat to add lost of data and get by average a scale of each of the points.


    Why does it matter with a stranger though? Who are they? Especially in a situation where you're on a plane. You are more likely to never see that person again in your whole life. Telling them a very personal would be inconsequential. I find that I can generally tell a stranger anything with greater ease than someone who is a casual aquaintance. Of coarse I'm a pretty open book as it is.



    I would precieve my anxiety relating to actually making contact with a new person rather than finding things to say there after.
    Resident Badger
    Pick your poison and enjoy. John Berardi Joe DeFranco Kelly Baggett
    Metabolic Alchemy
    "There isn't guess work in anatomy, physiology, and kinesiology. It's called science." - Brett Hobel
    Jake's log -visit and criticize.

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    so did what I describe happened to you or not? if I were to tell you to go do it right now(find a stranger in the street and tell him a dark secret, would you do it)?



    (Strictly imaginative)

    "Hi. I'm Jake. Although I look like a strong confident man, I shit in my pants when approaching women. I'm not sure why, but the fact that I was a total loser in high school and lied my way through life may explain some things."
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  10. #10
    Senior Member Jakeshorts's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by liorrh' post='496378' date='Aug 1 2008, 01:16 PM
    so did what I describe happened to you or not? if I were to tell you to go do it right now(find a stranger in the street and tell him a dark secret, would you do it)?



    (Strictly imaginative)

    "Hi. I'm Jake. Although I look like a strong confident man, I shit in my pants when approaching women. I'm not sure why, but the fact that I was a total loser in high school and lied my way through life may explain some things."




    Those are two different situations. The approaching part of the equation would be the hard part. Once contact was made saying something like the above wouldn't be at all difficult.
    Resident Badger
    Pick your poison and enjoy. John Berardi Joe DeFranco Kelly Baggett
    Metabolic Alchemy
    "There isn't guess work in anatomy, physiology, and kinesiology. It's called science." - Brett Hobel
    Jake's log -visit and criticize.

  11. #11
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    I'm very surprised liorrh gave this rating:



    "taking to someone you manage about him being fired for not being good enough. 8"



    This tells me you have never done it. It's very stressful for the person doing the firing as well as the one being fired. It may look easy on tv or even fun. When you actually have to do it, you wish you didn't have to. You are hurting the other person and you know it. No matter how much they may have deserved firing, it's a tough job and most managers hate it.
    "A liberal is someone who feels a great debt to his fellow man, which debt he proposes to pay off with your money." - G. Gordon Liddy

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    Jake: sorry if I was misunderstood but this is not about foretasted anxiety but about actual stuff you've been through. again, have you been through something like that? no logical what ifs

    Maxhealth - if i rated it anything else than a 0, than I did it.
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    Not only that but people are known to get violent and emotional when they get fired. Ever heard of someone going into a place they use to work at with a gun and start firing? Lots of times. A sadist may like it but no one takes firing someone lightly.
    "A liberal is someone who feels a great debt to his fellow man, which debt he proposes to pay off with your money." - G. Gordon Liddy

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    Being in a crowd of strangers 7

    asking a stranger for direction 3

    being approached by a salesman, homeless etc 6

    butting in on a conversation with random strangers 1-2

    tell a deep secret about yourself to a stranger (something you are extremley ashamed of, and is also not funny in any way, let say kicking cats when you were young) 5; my viewpoint is the same as Jake's on this. I'd be more comfortable telling a total stranger than a casual acquaintance, discounting the approach to the conversation

    singing in public or public speaking 2-3

    meeting your new GF/BF's family or friends 3

    telling your GF whom you love there is something that really bothers you about her, and if she would not change that, you'd have to seperate(knowing that she might say fine let's break up! sometime we make those threats knowing she won't leave. not this time) 6-7

    dancing with your friends 3-4

    dancing in public(in the street) 0

    making eye contact with strangers for as long as possible 1-2

    trying to do some crazy dance moves you have no idea how to like salsa or breakdance, or playing a sport you know you suck in front of strangers 2

    telling something embarrassing to strangers 3-4

    approaching a woman you really want to be with(a stranger) 0

    talking to a new doctor/shrink/caretaker/policeman 7

    talking to your boss about a raise 1-2

    taking to someone you manage about him being fired for not being good enough. 3

    approaching a woman you really want to be with(not a stranger, friend of friend) 0

    kissing a girl for the first time without her specifically saying she wants to be kissed 4

    undressing in public 7

    walk across a crowded bus and loudly tell some girl she is stunning. 0





    What can I say? I'm a very anxious individual

  15. #15
    Senior Member marcog2illis88's Avatar
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    Crowds don't make me nervous par se. Only situations with girls, and people of authority (Boss, Cops etc.)...but most especially with girls.



    I would'nt say I have a social anxiety disorder though.

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    All these answers are a average, some day they might go up or down.

    Being in a crowd of strangers 9

    asking a stranger for direction7

    being approached by a salesman, homeless etc7

    butting in on a conversation with random strangers5

    tell a deep secret about yourself to a stranger (something you are extremley ashamed of, and is also not funny in any way, let say kicking cats when you were young)4

    singing in public or public speaking3

    meeting your new GF/BF's family or friends5

    telling your GF whom you love there is something that really bothers you about her, and if she would not change that, you'd have to seperate(knowing that she might say fine let's break up! sometime we make those threats knowing she won't leave. not this time)5

    dancing with your friends8

    dancing in public(in the street)6

    making eye contact with strangers for as long as possible7

    trying to do some crazy dance moves you have no idea how to like salsa or breakdance, or playing a sport you know you suck in front of strangers4

    telling something embarrassing to strangers5

    approaching a woman you really want to be with(a stranger)5

    talking to a new doctor/shrink/caretaker/policeman6

    talking to your boss about a raise5

    taking to someone you manage about him being fired for not being good enough.4

    approaching a woman you really want to be with(not a stranger, friend of friend)5

    kissing a girl for the first time without her specifically saying she wants to be kissed5

    undressing in public4

    walk across a crowded bus and loudly tell some girl she is stunning.4



    The situations that involve hot girls can go down on the scale quick and depends alot of my level of confidence. Also if i know the girl in someway its lower on the scale.

  17. #17
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    Being in a crowd of strangers 7

    asking a stranger for direction 8

    being approached by a salesman, homeless etc 8

    butting in on a conversation with random strangers 4

    tell a deep secret about yourself to a stranger (something you are extremley ashamed of, and is also not funny in any way, let say kicking cats when you were young) 5

    singing in public or public speaking 2...I start to sweat

    meeting your new GF/BF's family or friends 6

    telling your GF whom you love there is something that really bothers you about her, and if she would not change that, you'd have to seperate(knowing that she might say fine let's break up! sometime we make those threats knowing she won't leave. not this time) 5

    dancing with your friends 7

    dancing in public(in the street) 1

    making eye contact with strangers for as long as possible 3

    trying to do some crazy dance moves you have no idea how to like salsa or breakdance, or playing a sport you know you suck in front of strangers 4

    telling something embarrassing to strangers 5

    approaching a woman you really want to be with(a stranger) 2..I don't know, to introduce myself?

    talking to a new doctor/shrink/caretaker/policeman 6..not all equal IMO

    talking to your boss about a raise 3

    taking to someone you manage about him being fired for not being good enough. 3

    approaching a woman you really want to be with(not a stranger, friend of friend) 2..not sure what you mean

    kissing a girl for the first time without her specifically saying she wants to be kissed 0-1..I'm a wreck

    undressing in public 3

    walk across a crowded bus and loudly tell some girl she is stunning. 0-1..maybe if I was wasted

  18. #18
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    I'm really surprised so many of you have told deep dark secrets to strangers. None of my friends ever did it, and in exposure therapy where these events are taken from, its rated as one of the highest anxiety causing events(actually the highest in some cases). I think all of you are thinking "would it be difficult for me to do that?" but that's not a good way to predict your comfort levels. go out and do it and report back your comfort levels.



    anyway, keep the info coming, this is interesting.
    Man on a mission

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    Quote Originally Posted by maxhealth' post='496493' date='Aug 1 2008, 06:15 PM
    Not only that but people are known to get violent and emotional when they get fired. Ever heard of someone going into a place they use to work at with a gun and start firing? Lots of times. A sadist may like it but no one takes firing someone lightly.


    that's the definition of social anxiety.

    going OMG, no! bad, bad things will happen! if you are able to do it without any anxiety you're a psychopath! etc.
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    Senior Member Jakeshorts's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by liorrh' post='496456' date='Aug 1 2008, 04:30 PM
    Jake: sorry if I was misunderstood but this is not about foretasted anxiety but about actual stuff you've been through. again, have you been through something like that? no logical what ifs

    Maxhealth - if i rated it anything else than a 0, than I did it.




    Yes I have.



    I did actually miss the notion that no experience meant zero, but I have actually done this.
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