What gives you social anxiety?

[liorrh]

I'd like some feedback on what gives people social anxiety, I'll list some examples and you can add more. for each one, please score from 1-10 where 0 is "I can't do it/haven't done it". and 10 is "I'm extremely comfortable - it comes to me naturally-no anxiety"



there were a lot of threads about social anxiety lately, and I'd like to get hear what the members here are having trouble with before I offer advice



if it fluctuates, score the lowest end



also please try to score it without aids like alcohol or other anti anxiety stuff. and please be truthful.



Just copy those examples to your post and rate them



start

Being in a crowd of strangers

asking a stranger for direction

being approached by a salesman, homeless etc

butting in on a conversation with random strangers

tell a deep secret about yourself to a stranger (something you are extremley ashamed of, and is also not funny in any way, let say kicking cats when you were young)

singing in public or public speaking

meeting your new GF/BF's family or friends

telling your GF whom you love there is something that really bothers you about her, and if she would not change that, you'd have to seperate(knowing that she might say fine let's break up! sometime we make those threats knowing she won't leave. not this time)

dancing with your friends

dancing in public(in the street)

making eye contact with strangers for as long as possible

trying to do some crazy dance moves you have no idea how to like salsa or breakdance, or playing a sport you know you suck in front of strangers

telling something embarrassing to strangers

approaching a woman you really want to be with(a stranger) - this means coming to a (pretty)woman you never met before and know nothing about in a place like a bar or the street and starting conversation with her. this called warm approach.

talking to a new doctor/shrink/caretaker/policeman

talking to your boss about a raise

taking to someone you manage about him being fired for not being good enough.

approaching a woman you really want to be with(not a stranger, friend of friend) this means coming to a (pretty)woman you have met before or at a party in a friend's house and starting conversation with he. this called warm approach.

kissing a girl for the first time without her specifically saying she wants to be kissed

undressing in public

walk across a crowded bus and loudly tell some girl she is stunning.

finish





here are mine



Being in a crowd of strangers 8

asking a stranger for direction 8

being approached by a salesman, homeless etc 9

butting in on a conversation with random strangers 8

tell a deep secret about yourself to a stranger (something you are ashamed of, and is also not funny in any way) 2

singing in public or public speaking 9

meeting your new GF/BF's family or friends 7

telling your GF whom you love there is something that really bothers you about her, and if she would not change that, you'd have to seperate(knowing that she might say fine let's break up! sometime we make those threats knowing she won't leave. not this time) 5

dancing with your friends 10

dancing in public(in the street) 9

trying to do some crazy dance moves you have no idea how to like salsa or breakdance, or playing a sport you know you suck at in front of strangers 6

making eye contact with strangers for as long as possible 8

telling something embarrassing to strangers 6

approaching a woman you really want to be with(a stranger) 6

talking to a new doctor/shrink/caretaker/policeman 8

talking to your boss about a raise 6

taking to someone you manage about him being fired for not being good enough. 8

approaching a woman you really want to be with(you know her, friend of friend) 6

kissing a girl for the first time without her specifically saying she wants to be kissed 8

undressing in public 8

walk across a crowded bus and loudly tell some girl she is stunning and start conversation, and mean it. 0





the difference between 8 to 10 is that I don't have any conscious inhibition but it still feels a little not right or I'm a little slow to do that.

1 to 3 is extreme discomfort, where 1 is you were forced to do it

0 is where you could not be forced to do it for any pain in the world

PS as you can see its easier for me to dance or speak in public than to be in public. lol. its easier for me to kiss a woman than to talk to her.

wierd



what are your social anxiety sticking point?

[liorrh]

mods, please move this to neuroscience

[Odium]

Shouldn't we have a rating for "no anxiety when doing this"?

[liorrh]

yes, that's 10 (i.e complete comfort) edited original post to highlight that. thanks

[skigazzi]

Being in a crowd of strangers - 9

asking a stranger for direction - 8

being approached by a salesman, homeless etc - 9

butting in on a conversation with random strangers - 8

tell a deep secret about yourself to a stranger (something you are extremley ashamed of, and is also not funny in any way, let say kicking cats when you were young) - 5

singing in public or public speaking - 6

meeting your new GF/BF's family or friends - 8 family 6 friends

telling your GF whom you love there is something that really bothers you about her, and if she would not change that, you'd have to seperate(knowing that she might say fine let's break up! sometime we make those threats knowing she won't leave. not this time) 5

dancing with your friends 6

dancing in public(in the street) 4

making eye contact with strangers for as long as possible 5

trying to do some crazy dance moves you have no idea how to like salsa or breakdance, or playing a sport you know you suck in front of strangers 4

telling something embarrassing to strangers 5

approaching a woman you really want to be with(a stranger) 3

talking to a new doctor/shrink/caretaker/policeman 4

talking to your boss about a raise 4

taking to someone you manage about him being fired for not being good enough 3

approaching a woman you really want to be with(not a stranger, friend of friend) 3

kissing a girl for the first time without her specifically saying she wants to be kissed 5

undressing in public 8

walk across a crowded bus and loudly tell some girl she is stunning. 0 (never done it...want to try!)

[Jakeshorts]

[quote name='liorrh' date='Aug 1 2008, 07:02 AM' post='496308']





start

Being in a crowd of strangers 10

asking a stranger for direction 8

being approached by a salesman, homeless etc 3

butting in on a conversation with random strangers 5

tell a deep secret about yourself to a stranger (something you are extremley ashamed of, and is also not funny in any way, let say kicking cats when you were young) 7

singing in public or public speaking 5

meeting your new GF/BF's family or friends 9

telling your GF whom you love there is something that really bothers you about her, and if she would not change that, you'd have to seperate(knowing that she might say fine let's break up! sometime we make those threats knowing she won't leave. not this time) 8

dancing with your friends 8

dancing in public(in the street)

making eye contact with strangers for as long as possible 5

trying to do some crazy dance moves you have no idea how to like salsa or breakdance, or playing a sport you know you suck in front of strangers 3

telling something embarrassing to strangers 8

approaching a woman you really want to be with(a stranger) 0

talking to a new doctor/shrink/caretaker/policeman 7

talking to your boss about a raise 3

taking to someone you manage about him being fired for not being good enough. 4

approaching a woman you really want to be with(not a stranger, friend of friend) 5

kissing a girl for the first time without her specifically saying she wants to be kissed 2 - physically shake

undressing in public 10

walk across a crowded bus and loudly tell some girl she is stunning. 4

finish



all of these seemed to be knocked down the number scale here by 2 when I'm in public with a woman I'm interested in. If I'm by myself, they jump up 3-4 numbers on the scale. Meaning that I believe my social anxiety to stem from being insecure in, around, or having the possibility of a relationship.

[liorrh]

I'm shocked that you gave

"tell a deep secret about yourself to a stranger (something you are extremely ashamed of, and is also not funny in any way, let say kicking cats when you were young) " 6 or 7

imagine sitting next to someone in a flight and telling him you were sexually abused, or that you sat in jail for armed robbery, or that you we're pissing in your bed till age 12... that sort of stuff.

don't imagine the comfort. if you've never done it, its zero. just checking

but its interesting to see everybody having different sticking points.

I wat to add lost of data and get by average a scale of each of the points.

[Jakeshorts]

I'm shocked that you gave

"tell a deep secret about yourself to a stranger (something you are extremely ashamed of, and is also not funny in any way, let say kicking cats when you were young) " 6 or 7

imagine sitting next to someone in a flight and telling him you were sexually abused, or that you sat in jail for armed robbery, or that you we're pissing in your bed till age 12... that sort of stuff.

don't imagine the comfort. if you've never done it, its zero. just checking

but its interesting to see everybody having different sticking points.

I wat to add lost of data and get by average a scale of each of the points.

Why does it matter with a stranger though? Who are they? Especially in a situation where you're on a plane. You are more likely to never see that person again in your whole life. Telling them a very personal would be inconsequential. I find that I can generally tell a stranger anything with greater ease than someone who is a casual aquaintance. Of coarse I'm a pretty open book as it is.



I would precieve my anxiety relating to actually making contact with a new person rather than finding things to say there after.

[liorrh]

so did what I describe happened to you or not? if I were to tell you to go do it right now(find a stranger in the street and tell him a dark secret, would you do it)?



(Strictly imaginative)

"Hi. I'm Jake. Although I look like a strong confident man, I shit in my pants when approaching women. I'm not sure why, but the fact that I was a total loser in high school and lied my way through life may explain some things."

[Jakeshorts]

so did what I describe happened to you or not? if I were to tell you to go do it right now(find a stranger in the street and tell him a dark secret, would you do it)?



(Strictly imaginative)

"Hi. I'm Jake. Although I look like a strong confident man, I shit in my pants when approaching women. I'm not sure why, but the fact that I was a total loser in high school and lied my way through life may explain some things."

Those are two different situations. The approaching part of the equation would be the hard part. Once contact was made saying something like the above wouldn't be at all difficult.

[maxhealth]

I'm very surprised liorrh gave this rating:



"taking to someone you manage about him being fired for not being good enough. 8"



This tells me you have never done it. It's very stressful for the person doing the firing as well as the one being fired. It may look easy on tv or even fun. When you actually have to do it, you wish you didn't have to. You are hurting the other person and you know it. No matter how much they may have deserved firing, it's a tough job and most managers hate it.

[liorrh]

Jake: sorry if I was misunderstood but this is not about foretasted anxiety but about actual stuff you've been through. again, have you been through something like that? no logical what ifs

Maxhealth - if i rated it anything else than a 0, than I did it.

[maxhealth]

Not only that but people are known to get violent and emotional when they get fired. Ever heard of someone going into a place they use to work at with a gun and start firing? Lots of times. A sadist may like it but no one takes firing someone lightly.

[Gdawg]

Being in a crowd of strangers 7

asking a stranger for direction 3

being approached by a salesman, homeless etc 6

butting in on a conversation with random strangers 1-2

tell a deep secret about yourself to a stranger (something you are extremley ashamed of, and is also not funny in any way, let say kicking cats when you were young) 5; my viewpoint is the same as Jake's on this. I'd be more comfortable telling a total stranger than a casual acquaintance, discounting the approach to the conversation

singing in public or public speaking 2-3

meeting your new GF/BF's family or friends 3

telling your GF whom you love there is something that really bothers you about her, and if she would not change that, you'd have to seperate(knowing that she might say fine let's break up! sometime we make those threats knowing she won't leave. not this time) 6-7

dancing with your friends 3-4

dancing in public(in the street) 0

making eye contact with strangers for as long as possible 1-2

trying to do some crazy dance moves you have no idea how to like salsa or breakdance, or playing a sport you know you suck in front of strangers 2

telling something embarrassing to strangers 3-4

approaching a woman you really want to be with(a stranger) 0

talking to a new doctor/shrink/caretaker/policeman 7

talking to your boss about a raise 1-2

taking to someone you manage about him being fired for not being good enough. 3

approaching a woman you really want to be with(not a stranger, friend of friend) 0

kissing a girl for the first time without her specifically saying she wants to be kissed 4

undressing in public 7

walk across a crowded bus and loudly tell some girl she is stunning. 0





What can I say? I'm a very anxious individual

[marcog2illis88]

Crowds don't make me nervous par se. Only situations with girls, and people of authority (Boss, Cops etc.)...but most especially with girls.



I would'nt say I have a social anxiety disorder though.

[314]

All these answers are a average, some day they might go up or down.

Being in a crowd of strangers 9

asking a stranger for direction7

being approached by a salesman, homeless etc7

butting in on a conversation with random strangers5

tell a deep secret about yourself to a stranger (something you are extremley ashamed of, and is also not funny in any way, let say kicking cats when you were young)4

singing in public or public speaking3

meeting your new GF/BF's family or friends5

telling your GF whom you love there is something that really bothers you about her, and if she would not change that, you'd have to seperate(knowing that she might say fine let's break up! sometime we make those threats knowing she won't leave. not this time)5

dancing with your friends8

dancing in public(in the street)6

making eye contact with strangers for as long as possible7

trying to do some crazy dance moves you have no idea how to like salsa or breakdance, or playing a sport you know you suck in front of strangers4

telling something embarrassing to strangers5

approaching a woman you really want to be with(a stranger)5

talking to a new doctor/shrink/caretaker/policeman6

talking to your boss about a raise5

taking to someone you manage about him being fired for not being good enough.4

approaching a woman you really want to be with(not a stranger, friend of friend)5

kissing a girl for the first time without her specifically saying she wants to be kissed5

undressing in public4

walk across a crowded bus and loudly tell some girl she is stunning.4



The situations that involve hot girls can go down on the scale quick and depends alot of my level of confidence. Also if i know the girl in someway its lower on the scale.

[Rodzilla]

Being in a crowd of strangers 7

asking a stranger for direction 8

being approached by a salesman, homeless etc 8

butting in on a conversation with random strangers 4

tell a deep secret about yourself to a stranger (something you are extremley ashamed of, and is also not funny in any way, let say kicking cats when you were young) 5

singing in public or public speaking 2...I start to sweat

meeting your new GF/BF's family or friends 6

telling your GF whom you love there is something that really bothers you about her, and if she would not change that, you'd have to seperate(knowing that she might say fine let's break up! sometime we make those threats knowing she won't leave. not this time) 5

dancing with your friends 7

dancing in public(in the street) 1

making eye contact with strangers for as long as possible 3

trying to do some crazy dance moves you have no idea how to like salsa or breakdance, or playing a sport you know you suck in front of strangers 4

telling something embarrassing to strangers 5

approaching a woman you really want to be with(a stranger) 2..I don't know, to introduce myself?

talking to a new doctor/shrink/caretaker/policeman 6..not all equal IMO

talking to your boss about a raise 3

taking to someone you manage about him being fired for not being good enough. 3

approaching a woman you really want to be with(not a stranger, friend of friend) 2..not sure what you mean

kissing a girl for the first time without her specifically saying she wants to be kissed 0-1..I'm a wreck

undressing in public 3

walk across a crowded bus and loudly tell some girl she is stunning. 0-1..maybe if I was wasted

[liorrh]

I'm really surprised so many of you have told deep dark secrets to strangers. None of my friends ever did it, and in exposure therapy where these events are taken from, its rated as one of the highest anxiety causing events(actually the highest in some cases). I think all of you are thinking "would it be difficult for me to do that?" but that's not a good way to predict your comfort levels. go out and do it and report back your comfort levels.



anyway, keep the info coming, this is interesting.

[liorrh]

Not only that but people are known to get violent and emotional when they get fired. Ever heard of someone going into a place they use to work at with a gun and start firing? Lots of times. A sadist may like it but no one takes firing someone lightly.

that's the definition of social anxiety.

going OMG, no! bad, bad things will happen! if you are able to do it without any anxiety you're a psychopath! etc.

[Jakeshorts]

Jake: sorry if I was misunderstood but this is not about foretasted anxiety but about actual stuff you've been through. again, have you been through something like that? no logical what ifs

Maxhealth - if i rated it anything else than a 0, than I did it.

Yes I have.



I did actually miss the notion that no experience meant zero, but I have actually done this.